Adventures in Geocaching

Four fat people attempting to geocache. Hilarity ensues.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Year in Review Part 1: The Quotes

It's been a while since I did an entry for you guys and I'm sure some of you are feeling a bit neglected. The holidays have done a mischief on our caching schedule. But we're back to it this weekend so expect an update then. Until then, hopefully this will suffice. I decided to go back through the archives and do a "year in review" post, well, more like a "seven months in review" since we just started it in June. I hope to have a "Year in Pictures" up to accompany this one soon. Ashlynne and I just have to find time to weed through the hundreds of photos we've taken while caching and find which ones to feature. For now, you get the best (and worst) things heard on the caching trail in 2006. Enjoy!

"How hard can it be? Buy a GPS, look up coordinates online, and go find them. Piece of cake!"
-Gryphon, in his now "famous last words" before encountering Monte Sano for the first time

"Damn hobbits!"
-The entire group, almost weekly

"You notice Frodo was always falling down in those movies? No wonder..."
-Tserof, attempting to explain the weird hobbit terrain rating system

"Over rocks, under trees. One time both over and under a tree at the same time"
-Gryphon, describing the climb to Bling

"Gravity. Always keeping the fat man down..."
-Mad Mike, master philosopher, on the nature of hills

"This can't end well..."
-Gryphon, spoken every time someone gives Ashlynne the GPS

"There are mountains in Alabama?"
-Gryphon, who failed geography in high school

"Tserof kept pointing out that the listing said we has permission, but we felt that would be little consolation if they felt bad when they found the GPS on our bodies."
-The Zen Bassmasters, on property rights

"The Chapel Hill Park consists of a paved area about the size of a cubicle, one tree, and two picnic tables"
-Gryphon, describing Chapel Hill's "thriving nature scene"

"With Chapel Hill weddings, the whole bride's family/groom's family thing kind of overlaps..."
-Gryphon, a Unionville native, getting a cheap dig in on the residents of Chapel Hill

"If anyone would know about Quercus Coccinea, it'd be you, Tserof..."
-Gryphon, referring to Tserof's questionable sexuality

"Of course I do! I'm Dr. Dendrology!"
-Tserof, who suffers from delusions of grandeur

"Dr. Dumbass, more like..."
-Mad Mike, bringing it back to reality

"Fish, stop tapping my ass!"
-Tserof, did I mention we question his sexuality?

"He looked like Elton John had been tapped to play James Bond. All he needed was a license to accessorize."
-Gryphon, describing Little Vorin in his sunglasses and water pistol

"Contained inside was a child of the 80's version of the Holy Grail"
-Gryphon, describing his and Mad Mike's joy at finding "Zamfir: Master of the Pan Flute" in one of our caches

"He got overtaken by Kenny G in the 90's for the "music to put you to sleep" crowd."
-Mad Mike, explaining why Zamfir was unknown to the youngsters in the group

"we soon decided it was badgers. Large, scary badgers..."
-The Zen Bassmasters, speculating on the fauna native to Percy Priest Lake

"he looked like he'd had his legs shaved by OJ Simpson..."
-Gryphon, commenting on Fish's lost battle with the briars

"A bit of a climb..."
-Rick618's hardly adequate description of the 3 miles of hell that is Green Mtn.

"I think Frodo may have felt sorry for us, leading us to an easy cache so we can go to our deaths with a feeling of accomplishment."
-Gryphon, questioning Frodo's motives before our Jolly Green Walk to Hell

"Ashlynne is from New York, a place so frigid the only reptile that can survive there is Senator Hillary Clinton."
-Gryphon, explaining Ash's non-recognition of a rattlesnake rattle

"we looked like crack addicts on free needle day."
-Gryphon, describing the Bassmasters heading for water after Jolly Green

"This shit right here is some good shit. You never know how good water tastes until something like this. I'm telling you. This is the best stuff ever right here. I can't believe I don't drink it more. I love water."
-Tserof, joining the cult of cold water

"You wouldn't think something this small would work so well."
-Tserof, repeating his girlfriend's favorite phrase, in description of a personal fan

"They're your family. That means you have to ride with them..."
-Judas, aka Fish, dooming me to kiddie music hell

"Little bunny Foo Foo is a right bastard if you're a field mouse."
-Gryphon, on the psychoses of children's music heroes

"The wheels on the bus go round and round but no matter how much you beg, the bus will not back up and run you over, ending your misery."
-Gryphon, seeking a "final exit" from kiddie music hell

"Semi-circular course correction."
-Fish's attempt to make our constant turning around sound less retarded

"Let's face it, if you can say things like "20cc of glucozapofire" and yell "stat!" a lot, we're not going to be smart enough to know you haven't got any medical training."
-Gryphon, describing the Bassmasters admittedly lax training requirements for a personal nurse

"Not now, Cali"
-Tserof, in sleepy response to Ashlynne's attempts to wake him up

"Tserof's ghetto princess"
-Gryphon, describing Tserof's, er, "relationship" to the afore mentioned

"That's certainly not something he's ever said in real life..."
-Mad Mike, making an astute observation on Tserof's sleepy quote

"Man titties abounded and pasty white flesh was on display. Not a pretty thing."
-Gryphon, on the Bassmasters taking their shirts off to wring water out of them

"Do I go right?"
"Yeah... Sort of..."
-Tserof & Fish, in a fairly typical display of our navigational skills

"Our adventure in geocaching was complete. We'd spent a full eight hours traveling around and having a good time--I'm deeply thankful for the chance to spend time with Tserof, Fish and Chri, and glad to have experienced again this remarkable hobby of theirs. Every cache we found had the weight of history, the lingering touch of other human hands, their works and skill made substantial before our very eyes. It's a type of history you can see and feel and know where it's been and follow where it's going. Real people came before, and real people will come after, and they will see the names and wonder who those people were... but they will KNOW why they were there."
-Doc, proving why he's by far the better writer of the two of us

"It's right here, Tserof. Here. Here. It's back there..."
-Mad Mike, in another example of our team's navigational prowess

"It makes for good blogging..."
-Mad Mike's excuse for anything stupid the team does

"it's a wagon trail..."
-Rick618's inadequate description of the Bushwhacker Johnston Trail

"I'd hate to be riding in the wagon that is on this trail..."
-Mad Mike, more accurately describing the trail

"How do you shut a Zen Bassmaster up? Send him uphill."
-Mad Mike, making a joke

"Aside from the fact that I will never again feel joy, I don't think this hike had any effect on me at all..."
-Gryphon, after the Bushwhacker Johnston experience

"Hilarity ensues"
-Gryphon, describing what usually happens when we try to geocache


Blogger saintseester said...

Welcome back! Thanks for the laughs. Hope you had a good Christmas.

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Rick618 said...

Oh thankee thankee. Tis been too long without. I hear tale of a wee trail with but a slight incline that has a few caches with a loverly feature aptly named the Devil's Race Track. Check for caches around Solitude on Wade Mtn. and do bring a bit of water. ;)
Your erstwhile guide,

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've enjoyed spending the past few months caching vicariously through your adventures. Looking forward to a new year.

7:12 PM  
Blogger cyrusels_alter_ego said...

O.K... I'm trying to backlog here and read stuff I missed over the holidays... what do I think about this blog?

I watched Saturday Night Live two Saturdays in a row before Christmas, and it totally sucked... Perhaps I am partial to the old school way of humor, but, yeah.. it totally sucked... See, I think you guys need to send them your stuff... WAAAAAAY FUNNIER!!! It could be a new segment on the show "The ZenMasters on..... (fill in the blank) ... You may very well be the ones to keep the poor things from going under, thus ruining the SNL way of life for so many people... yeah...

That's what I think. Oh, and, glad your back.. or I'm back.. or both... :D

7:40 PM  

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