Every Cache Has Its Thorns- 7/8/06

Sorry to everyone for the delay in posting new material. We didn't cache last week because several of us went to a Trailer Park Troubadours concert. Tserof didn't go so the GPS didn't go so we didn't get to cache around Nashville. We did cache this past Saturday but I came down with a nasty cold and had to stay home from work on Monday. I could have blogged but blogging and Nyquil don't really mix. It says so on the bottle.

**Cheap Plug**
If you get a chance to see the Trailer Park Troubadours in your area, go see them. Excellent music, good stage show, and a bunch of great guys. Go see them.

But read my blog first.

Anyway, on this day, we had a beer run to make, having to pick up a bunch of microbrews from the folks at Middle Ages Brewing Company in Syracuse. Ash's mom had just gone up there and, since we'd gotten addicted to the beer when a friend came down earlier in the year and, since you can't get Syracuse microbrews in Tennessee, we sent her with a list. Ash's mom was in Smyrna so we sent Fish off to geocaching.com to scout caches in the Smyrna area.

At this point, I should explain Fish to you. Most caching groups probably have one person like Fish. Fish is our obsessive/compulsive geocacher, often planning out caching trips two, three, four weeks in advance. He's a good guy to have around as we don't have to do any of the work, just show up where he tells us and cache.

This week, Fish finds a group of caches on a trail at Percy Priest lake. He e-mails us with his list all mapped out and gleefully tells us that it's a 5 mile round trip hike and there's two caches that are 3 terrain. We all take a minute to see if it sinks in for him...

It didn't.

Finally, I e-mail him and nicely (because Fish gets very defensive about his cache planning and because he's married to my cousin, who I'm afraid of) try to explain the physics of a bunch of fat people, only one of whom has ever managed to walk 5 miles straight at the gym on the flat, air conditioned track, trying to trek through 5 miles of woods, navigating terrain 3, the mention of which still gives Tserof flashbacks of Frodo and sometimes causes him to lie down in the fetal position mumbling "make the bad hobbit go away..."

Finally, Fish sees the error of his ways (or at least doesn't relish having to carry us) and re-makes his cache list to give us only a 2 mile round trip and a couple of terrain 3 caches. We gave Tserof his medicine to stop the shakes and made plans.

The group this week consisted of me, Ash, Mad Mike, Fish, Tserof, and Jalera. The soundtrack for this week was Todd Snider's "Near Truths and Hotel Rooms" and Jason Ringenberg's "Empire Builders."

We arrived at Percy Priest lake and our first cache, "Welcome to East Fork Recreation Area", was right at the entrance. This would have been good except there was no place to pull off and no place to park so I ended up sitting in the middle of the road, watching for cops or park security, while Fish and Mad Mike grabbed the cache and signed the book. We didn't linger long enough to read the log or peruse the toys as I was seriously paranoid about just standing in the middle of the road. Easy find but not a great hide, in my opinion. It just begs for muggle trouble. Nevertheless, it's a find and we were off to a good start.

We park near the loading ramp at the lake and take off down the trail. Our next cache was "Geocache Protection Program" and was hidden by our good friend Monkeybrad. The clue was "near the stump by the half-double helix." "Isn't that a single helix?", Tserof asks. Probably so, but Monkeybrad's my bud and I trust him. Unfortunately, we had some trouble finding a stump and everyone was everywhere. No stump was left unturned (except by Ash, whose fear of snakes had gripped her again) and we almost gave up. Finally Tserof, the closest thing to a science major we have in the group, locates a likely "single-helix" and Fish quickly locates the cache. No stump though. I don't know if there was a stump that is no more or if the stump was a figment of Monkeybrad's imagination but either way, it's another find and we're two for two for the day.

Next up is "Rainy Day Cache", hidden by JoeGPS. Unfortunately, for some reason, Joe decided to make this cache viewable by premium members only so I can't give you any more of the details, since Tserof has the premium account. We travelled along the path and ran into what Fish told us was a nest of some sort. "A nest? Like a hornet nest?", I asked, showing off my great fear of small stinging insects. "No," Fish replied. "Larger." Larger? What the hell larger lives in Percy Priest lake? We soon decided it was badgers. Large, scary badgers.

I should mention here that our group of friends has a long-running joke involving anything related to badgers. I'm not even sure if it started because Ash and Jalera both had D&D characters slaughtered by badgers once or if we just thought the name was funny. Badger... It is kinda humorous...

Anyway, Fish didn't want to disturb whatever kind of badgers or large bunnies with big nasty teeth were in the nests so we backtracked. "I think we can go right up the trail and double back to it easily." Famous last words. You'd think we'd learn.

We doubled back and, despite our best efforts, couldn't find an easy way to the cache. Finally, we decided that the best way was the Zen Bassmaster way, which involves running headlong into the woods, crashing into trees, destroying vines, and smashing through enough thorns so we look like a participant in the Japanese King of the Deathmatch wrestling tournament on the other side.

Sure enough, this got us there. Good cache and a good hide, right next to an old fence. Sure enough, there was a little bitty umbrella, hence the name. There was also a Space Shuttle Columbia coin that I took and replaced with one of Ash's seemingly endless supply of Disney Character pencils. Another find for us! Maybe we'll actually go perfect today!

Then came Notorious. Again, this one is available to premiums only so no information other than to give a big "toss off" shout to JoGPS, the worst thing since Frodo who, despite being a bastard, at least lets poor people look at his caches.

The clue for this cache (which I can't access) gave us the idea that the cache was around a big fallen tree we found near the coordinates. Something about being covered with bark and that we might be sitting on it. Something like that. Again, the Nyquil makes it all fuzzy.

Anyhow, we beat on the big hollow fallen tree to scare off snakes. We looked around the tree, poked Fish's handy maglite inside the tree, no dice. We looked around the pile of bark beside the tree. Nothing. We looked up in the trees. Nothing. Ash kept insisting we "roll" the giant log so she could look under it. Not being interested in a hernia and remembering Ash's previous attempts to murder me on the trail, I declined and we decided to give this one a skip. If it's under the log, it can stay there. Otherwise, this one may have been moved.

The next one was called "In DA WOOD, Original", which is useful since there are about 5 caches named some variation of "In the woods" because, ya know, they're in the woods. A little creativity here folks. Another JoGPS so another I can't tell you about. We were walking around trying to home in on this one (the GPS had decided the cover was too much for it) when I decided I needed to take a leak. I found a likely tree and began to take care of business as Fish walked into a clearing to get a better read. As I was finishing up my "commune with nature" , I hear Fish exclaim behind me, "oh shit. I think Gryph's pissing on the cache!"

Sure enough, the GPS was pointing right to the spot where I was shaking off. We begin to cautiously cast about for the cache and, fortunately for us, the actual cache was hidden on the other side of the tree from my puddle of pee. Anyone can find a cache and sign a log. Finding a cache and marking it with your scent though... That's hardcore!

Next up is Walk in Da Woods. Another JoGPS so another string of expletives that I'm trying not to say here because I have a teacher who reads this and is talking about using it for some of her classes when they talk about latitude and longitude so, much like Calamity Jane in Deadwood, I'm fining myself by the curse. Kids, don't swear like I do. I'm a bad, bad man.

I don't actually remember much about this one, besides the fact that we found it. Since I can't look at the clue (or even log it as a find), I can't jog my memory. I remember we found it and I remember doing quite a bit of walking in da woods, but not much else. Sorry. Again, Nyquil... (kids, don't take Nyquil, it's bad, m'kay?)

Walking along the trail to the next cache, Jalera somehow manages to whack herself in the knee with her own walking stick. I'm not sure how this is possible, but she managed it. I suggested that perhaps she was rehearsing her new one woman play, called "The Nancy Kerrigan Story."

Bamboo Forest is next. Good hide even if it was by JoGPS, who is quickly surpassing Frodo on my hate list. It definitely lived up to its name as there was a ton of bamboo between us and the cache. Good hiding place too. I won't give it away other than to say it was certainly "locked" in place. We found a neckstrap that looked like it fit Tserof's GPS and took it, leaving yet another of Ash's pencils behind. If you like Disney crap, you should really hit these caches.

Our next cache was "Walk in the Woods". By now, Tserof, having the least stamina of our daily walking group, was starting to get tired and Jalera, who doesn't walk at all if she can help it, had taken to not leaving the trail anytime we did caches. So we decided this would be our last cache and we'd head for the car after (Fish, unlike my lovely wife, actually kept a track to the car on all along. Good man).

Unfortunately, I don't need to look at the website to jog my memory on this one. It was 300 ft of pure hell in the form of briar bushes. Fish, in the lead and wearing shorts, got the worst of it, but we all got our share. After 300 feet of climbing, the GPS pointed to yet another tangle of brambles. At this point even Fish, our insane cacher with the 5 mile hike, was ready to give this up. And for good reason. He looked like he'd had his legs shaved by OJ Simpson. I had a thorn shoved half an inch into my finger that I was trying to pry out (which still hurts like, er, heck too when I type. I bleed for you, gentle readers), Mad Mike and Ashlynne's hands both looked about as bad as mine, and Tserof looked like the Living Dead.

Back through the brambles we went, encountering yet another group of cuts, scrapes, and thorns. Ow.

Finally back to the car, to head for the house and enjoy some of the good beer we bought (kids, remember not to drink before 21!). First though, someone had dropped off a geocoin from Britain in our Wabbit Season cache so we headed over to it to look at it. Cool coin and it got taken that very night so we just got to see it (and just missed the people who picked it up, apparently).

That's all for this week. Next week, we head toward Winchester after a day long yard sale for Ash and I, who seriously need to get rid of some crap. Anyone need a daybed or a non-functional computer? If so, come see us.